Last Updated on July 4, 2018 by Jenny Pena
Moving along to Parenting Vlog #4! you made it!
Good for you for getting this far! Most of all have patience with yourself as you absorb all the info, you will have small successes at first, and long-term goals WILL happen. Let’s do this!
Parenting Vlog #4 covers Action Guides and more tips
Leaving off from Vlog #3, this is the second half of Part @ of the book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids. Be sure to check that out so you can follow along and not be too lost.
These are my notes from the book, they are not meant to cover every single detail. Please follow along with the video and be sure to get your own copy of the book for best results!
My notes for rest of Part 2: Fostering Connection
YOUR CHILDS EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT
Our job is to set limits, deny unreasonable requests and correct behavior. At best we can do it without them even noticing. Most of the time they see it as something negative, we then need to repair our connection.
- -challenges=emotional account in the red
- -2 things you can do to refill the relationship account?
- -consider what contributed to you being overdrawn? Write 5 things you can do in the future.
WHATS SO SPECIAL ABOUT SPECIAL TIME?
Why does special time create significant changes in child’s behavior?
- -gives the child the parents fully loving attention, which helps them thrive.
- -reconnecting us with our children helps them be happier and more cooperative
- -children have a consistent, safe opportunity to release emotions
- -deepens our empathy
- -builds trust and partnership
- -convinces our children we truly do care about them
HOW TO HAVE SPECIAL TIME
1. Announce it and set a time
2. Other children are being watched so each child can have special time
3. Set a timer, 15-20mins
4. Alternate who decides what to do during special time.
5. Give your child 100% of your attention
6. Do something they’re usually not allowed to do, if you’re able to do it safely
7. When it’s your turn to decide what to do, check Chapter 3 for “Playing with your child: games for emotional intelligence”
8. End special time when the timer buzzes
9. Be aware, child’s emotions may bubble up
Daily habits to strengthen and sweeten your relationship with your child
-develop small rituals to reconnect throughout the day
-short emotional refueling before “separation” situations
-Twelve hugs a day
-turn off technology
-evenings are family time
-consciously refocus you attention to your child
-attune to your child’s mood
-connect on their level
-Don’t let rifts build up
-5:1 ratio, for every 1 negative interaction have 5 positive ones
Use connection to get your child Our the door in the morning
-get everyone to bed early
-get yourself to bed early
-build in extra time
-prepare the night before
-5 mins snuggle time before each child wakes up
-use connections routines to make transitions easier
-keep the routine as simple as possible
-realize that children need your help
Use connection to make bedtime easier
(Watch the parenting vlog #4 video for detailed info)
10 ways to become a brilliant listener
1. Remember to close your mouth
2. Pay attention
3. Notice conversation openers
4. Let them know if you can’t listen then
5. Be fully present
6. Actively acknowledge and reflect his feeling
7. Ask nonjudgmental questions
8. Don’t jump in with solutions and advice
9. Keep the conversation safe for everyone
10. Manage your own emotions
HOW do I get my child to listen to me?!
– don’t start talking until you have their attention
-don’t repeat yourself
-use fewer words
– see it from his point of view
– engage cooperation
– soothe dont inflame
– set up routines
– model attentive listening
When your child shuts down
( watch parenting vlog #4 for details)
When you and your child are stuck in negativity
Those are the notes from this second half of Part 2. I will also like to add that prayer, bible reading, speaking about what God tell us in His Word is also very important to prioritize both as a family and for ourselves as parents.