Last Updated on June 26, 2018 by Jenny Pena
Hey hey! So happy you have found Parenting Vlog #3
This Part of the book bit lengthy so will break it up into two posts. Please follow along the video so these notes will make sense to you if you don’t have the book!
Comments are welcome, love the feedback!
Part 2 Fostering Connection
Three big ideas of Aha Parenting
1. Fostering connection
2. Coaching, not controlling
3. Regulating yourself
Connection is the secret to happy parenting. Analogy of riding a bike uphill vs coasting downhill. Still need to steer, pay attention, watch for twist and turns, but momentum is with you.
Children will be more likely to cooperate if they feel you’re on their side. Not that it’s our DUTY to connect with them, but that we want to because we love them.
Child emotional growth
Babies: wiring the brain- learning to sync, learn from us. we sync, we’re out of sync, and get back in sync, never perfect and that’s ok
Toddlers: building secure attachment- secure attachment and gives tips for daycare children.
Preschoolers: developing independence – what is independence, what it’s not, consequences, real independence = roots & wings . Roots: secure attachment- they know we are there for them. Wings- giving them control, guiding them, encouraging them. As they build their confidence
Elementary schoolers- ages 6-9, bring more I fluenced by media and peers, we arent their sole influence. With a strong connection we can remain available for them for bonding and guidance before it’s too late. Goal: build a strong relationship, a solid foundation to get through teen years.
HOW?
-develop family rituals that foster connection: an activity everyone looks forward to and happen consistently.
– resist sending them off to something to get more time to get things done. Use that time to hangout with them
– take cues about independence from your child, in between them doing grown up things, they’ll come back for extra attention, coming back into their “baby self”
CONNECTION BASICS
Positive strategies vs punishments- listening, resist punishing, attend to any rifts. Punishing diminishes closeness, erodes our influence upon them as they grow
My side note- this is true of what happened with me. I LOVE my parents, but growing up we grew distant because of physical punishing and lack of communication. I rebelled, my teenage and adolescent years were full of confusion and ugliness. Until I reached out to God and allowed Him to repair me, to forgive and to begin the healing bond. I reconnected with my family on a true, deep love.
This is why I want to focus on these things that I may already be repeating from my own upbringing. To stop the cycle.
HOW TO CONNECT MORE DEEPLY WITH YOUR CHILD
“Free up the time-daily- to make the closeness happen.” P57
Earn your child’s trust with our own daily behavior. Every interaction creates the relationship. How we handle the good and the bad.
Any attention away from our children can create a separation, so always coming back and nurturing them back into your space helps repair the bond. Sometimes they may act out, or be in their “baby self”, because of repressing their dependency for so long and finally letting down his or her guard to receive solace from you.
It’s not encouraging dependency but being there for their emotional needs. In the end, their transition to independency will go smoother because they had their needs met instead of squashed. So they won’t end up depending on others.
HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILD NEEDS HELP?
Defiance.
“Defiance isn’t a discipline problem, it’s a relationship problem.”
They need something from us they aren’t getting.
May not be only our parenting, but their own predispositions, challenging life events, etc.
CONNECTING WITH A DIFFICULT CHILD
The author suggest to connect even with difficult children who have autism, and those who are just challenging. She gives a story about a mom and her son and how he behaved very difficult. In the end, their relationship and the boys behavior improved with a few things the mom changed to connect better with her son.
THANK YOU FOR FOLLOWING ALONG THIS PARENTNG VLOG!
Please watch the video, these notes will make more sense when followed along the video and of course the book!
MAY THE MOST HIGH BLESS YOU!
How wonderful that you want your foster kids to experience something better than you experienced yourself. Wisdom is adjusting our actions so that we learn from what happened to us in the past and use it for the good of others.
thank you for your sweet words! God bless you!