Current pregnancy and being mom of 2!
I kept saying, “I am happy with two. Two are enough! God won’t give me more than I can handle.”
Many moms share this sentiment
We are just overwhelmed by motherhood and our needy children! For me it got to the point where I truly wasn’t feeling happy anymore. And felt like an out-of-control, ugly parent.
So when I started feeling ill, a nausea too familiar to me, I cried. I knew this could only be pregnancy symptoms. I cried telling my husband I’m not ready for this, I can’t with 2, how will I manage with 3? Still I don’t know the answer to that question….what I do know and have learned is that, we need help!
Getting help sooner than later is necessary,
I cannot express this enough! I was already entering the realm of anxiety before pregnancy, so it hit me even harder during, like a ten foot wave that wouldn’t let me up for air. Anxiety. Depression. Desperation.
We were on summer vacation, visiting our family when we found out. It was only the beginning of our one month stay. Alll our plans to visit friends and family all changed. My desire to see anyone, talk to anyone, be active online or in person went from a hundred to zero. I just wanted to sleep, and for the nausea to leave me. And I couldn’t sleep because I had family who needed me, and the nausea wouldn’t leave me for another three months!
I didn’t even want to tell many people I was pregnant.
Talking about it made me cry. The guilt was worse. Feeling guilty for how negative and unhappy i sounded towards pregnancy. A little being was being formed in my womb, and I can’t even be happy about it?
It took me too long to realize I needed to seek out the people who would understand, who could help me, and not just let myself fall so hard into solitude and depression.
I see and understand now how women can be capable of ending their lives. The emotions and mental instability are so overwhelming it’s like real life isn’t even happening.
I don’t know who it will be or what will be that helps you.
For some it’s getting nutrition and excersise, for others it’s finding therapy and counseling. For me it was getting back into my passions and living mindfully present in the positive. A weekend of doula workshops, learning and a safe group to vent to, began the healing process. Staying connected to these women and other few close friends and family have helped me soooo much! Keep your tribe close!
I still cry when I’m overwhelmed. I still don’t feel myself. I’m not comfortable like I used to be in group meetings, or hosting people in my home. But I am comfortable in my skin, in my pregnancy, as a mommy to three. I am comfortable in this season that The Most High has me and I know that His will is being done, and so I am staying positive and focusing on all He is giving to me so freely.
I pray for those who are having trouble in motherhood, in pregnancy, and conceiving, that The Most High will shine a light upon you through those dark clouds hanging over you, that you will see and be filled by the light and have peace.
Thanks for reading! And stay tuned for happier pregnancy posts and follow us on Instagram !
Blessings!
Jenny Pena
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BE blesses beautiful 🙂
And you to gorgeous!!!