Hello everyone, today I just wanted to blog a little bit about my miscarriages.
I know that this is a touchy topic for lots of people. Not a lot of people like to talk about it. Today I want to let you know that it is ok to talk about it and it’s actually very freeing.
When I was about 18 years old I had my first miscarriage.
I did not know I was pregnant. In fact I thought I had my period. It started off light but by the third day I was going through pads like crazy. I started cramping really bad there was no comfortable position that I could get into. I felt the need to go poop so I would sit over the toilet but nothing would come out.
(To top it all off, in that time I was in a relationship with a Colombian guy, so I was in Colombia where he lived.) I would try to stand up and go lay down but whenever I would stand up I felt the need to push. But then I knew something wasn’t right I called my boyfriend in that time because he was a nurse and told him what was going on. You could tell in his face that he knew what was happening but didn’t want to tell me.
Miscarriage in Colombia
Deep inside of me I knew what was happening too but I didn’t want to say anything either. In one moment he left the bathroom and in that moment all I felt was something come out of me. I called him and told him I felt something come out of me. I felt so much better in that moment so I was able to stand, he immediately put gloves on and fished whatever was in the toilet out. Soon after that the cramps got way worse I could not take it I was in tears. It was time to go to the hospital.
Unfortunately the health system in Colombia is horrible. When we got there it seemed like forever for them to help us. We were there all night they did blood tests, pelvic exams, and ultrasound to confirm that I did have a miscarriage but that I was complete so no other procedures had to be done I had passed all of it on my own.
This was probably one of the most traumatic things to happen to me.
It was extremely hard to deal with I could not believe that happened to me. Things between my ex bf and I after that got worse and we ended up breaking up.
I can not say it was easy to deal with this miscarriage but it wasn’t as hard because I didn’t know I was pregnant so I never got attached or anything but still very sad and hard to know that had happened to me.
My second miscarriage happened with my fiancé.
It happened around Oct 2016. This one was the hardest one because I knew I was pregnant and we had been trying to be pregnant. We had also told many people about this baby. I had gotten cramps the day before but didn’t pay attention because no blood was associated with the cramping.
The next day I decided to call out from work because I wasn’t feeling well my fiancé worked all day that day. It was around 5 pm and I went to the bathroom and looked down and had some blood but very very little like no need for a pad. I got so scared I texted my midwife and let her know and she asked me if it was a lot and if I had pain I answered her no because in that moment I wasn’t cramping or anything I felt fine.
She told me not to get worried unless I had those symptoms and that sometimes it was just that the placenta could accumulate blood behind where it had attached and that would cause me to bleed.
I stayed calm but called my fiancé to let him know what was going on.
He asked his boss if he could come home early and they let him so he came home and we prayed with one of his friends that dropped him off and I went and laid down. Around 9 clock I went to the bathroom still no seriously bleeding but I had to pee and I was peeing I felt something come out of me. We fished it out of the toilet and by then I already knew what was going on. I took a picture and sent it to my midwife by that time she called me and told me that most probably I was having a miscarriage. I asked her if it was necessary to go to the hospital she said I don’t have to unless I was bleeding uncontrollably or the pain was intolerable. But I felt fine.
Trust in God
Apart from just losing my baby. The whole time I was telling my fiancé to stay calm and not to panic or get mad or question God because God knows what he is doing and He has His reasons. To thank for allowing us to be alive and to have a little time with this baby. It was about 12 o’clock am and I was getting really bad cramps and I started bleeding a lot.
I told him that we needed to go the hospital because I couldn’t take it anymore. Thankfully we live 5 minutes from the hospital. We got to the hospital they helped me quickly. Hooked me up to the IV and gave me pain meds, took ultrasounds, pelvic exam took some really big clots out which helped with the pain, and took blood tests. By far way better help then the hospital in Colombia.
I was discharged around 3 in the morning to get some rest I had some really bad cramping for the next few days. I didn’t go to work for about 1 week and half and cried most of the time. We could not watch any baby commercials or sad shows because I would just cry I prayed a lot.
God was my healer and helper, praise the Lord! In that time my fiancé and I were living in Nashville so I felt so so lonely and we decided to move back to Miami in march of this year.
These miscarriages were hard and allowed me to learn so much about myself and the relationships I was in. With my first relationship I realized that it was not strong enough to go through such a hard time. My current fiancé and I, we are still together and stronger than ever. I love him so much and helped me so much throughout the whole process very supportive and never left my side unless it was for work. I talked to many people about it with my second one and it definitely helped me deal with it better. The first one was hard especially because I never really talked to anyone about it so had to deal with it all alone.
Ladies I know it’s a hard topic to talk about but don’t keep it inside talk to someone, a therapist, God, a family member or even a close friend do not keep it bottled inside because it will eat you alive. Please don’t ever think it’s your fault either because God knows what He is doing and why He does.